I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
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While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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