I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize