it was like eating out sand paper
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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