I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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