well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
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The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
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I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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