If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
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Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
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There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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