The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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