Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize