yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize