I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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