I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My ass is underappreciated
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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