Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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