This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
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I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
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After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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