My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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