hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
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we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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