Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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