I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize