I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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