I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
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With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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