If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
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Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
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Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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