I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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