My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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