i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize