did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
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Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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