I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just cropdusted the office
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize