There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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