I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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