I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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