So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
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Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
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Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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