never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize