i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize