drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
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The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
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So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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