broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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