i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
someone owes me an orgasm
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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