end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
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No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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