So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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