He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize