Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
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boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
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But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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