I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
from now on my penis is your penis
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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