Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize