I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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