well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize