two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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