you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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