Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
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Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
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He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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