I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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