She is in my trunk
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
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All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
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I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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