I met the friendliest cop last night
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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