oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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