So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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